Friday, December 11, 2020
Wednesday, December 9, 2020
Tuesday, December 8, 2020
Monday, December 7, 2020
Saturday, December 5, 2020
OVERCOMING FEARS OF REJECTION
Hi! 😄
I haven't written a blog in ages, but today I feel it is time to start writing again. As a life coach, I wanted to share my experiences as well as the tools these situations have left me with. The world is changing so very drastically and I am starting to realize how important the written word needs to be preserved. Thank you for watching my blog and sharing your thoughts with me. I also wish to thank those that visit my youtube channel (see below for link) with regard to my tarot readings and various videos on life coaching.
SUBJECT: FEAR OF REJECTION 👎😨
I admit I have had to battle with anxiety and fear of rejection most of my life. I became a life coach mainly to assist and share my battle overcoming this with others who may share my feelings. I am especially sensitive to those who seem to constantly get involved in situations and circumstances that put them in the position to feel rejected and why?
I. Why Do We Find Ourselves in Rejection Situations😞
Over the years, I have learned that most of these feelings stem from a childhood trauma associated with a parental figure that we wished love, attention or affection from that we did not receive. Either the other person did not assess our need to be loved or accepted adequately or they did not have it in them to give. However, we are all programmed from our experiences almost from birth, so an understanding of why can hopefully help many on the road to a more successful and happier life.
Over time, if this feeling is not satisfied in our early childhood, it amplifies and becomes a very real fear of other people. In some cases, there are those who become less able to associate with people on a deep level as they sense an invisible barrier between 'me & the other' that cannot be crossed. Like a mother crossing her arms over her heart, the heart is forbidden territory. On the other hand, others may look for love in all the wrong places so to speak. This can show up in choosing an unloving, but easier relationship that has a lack of standards rather than a high functioning one because of fear of the other person abandoning them (the associative parental figure). Often the person who has not healed from this type of 'abuse' (here I use the term loosely), will marry or seek out a person who emulates the parent who has done the damage to the person's self esteem to try to rectify the pain of rejection in some manner by receiving acceptance by projection. By this, I mean the old song, "I want a gal, just like the gal that married dear old Dad", scenario. As well, they may seek the parent who did not show them love & affection's acceptance via the job they have, the vehicle they drive, the partner they choose, the house they live in and so on and so on. This is clearly not living one's own life.
II. Codependency Development👪
This turns into a 'codependency' of sorts where the person who felt rejected always seeks approval from a parent or parental figure. It does not matter whether that person is a spouse or actual parent, the victim will always seek the approval of the other in this game of cat and mouse. In some instances, the victim does not know they are being used in this game because the parental figure playing it has also been a victim of the above. This is what I call 'trauma bond' and can actually have been manifested over many generations or lifetimes. If physical abuse has also been involved, this person may end up with some type of rebellious or deviant behavioral characteristics. Living on the fringe or outside the law in some cases. They can even become abusive parents or narcissistic in the lowest or basest of character traits. However, they will find someone who they can 'depend' upon no matter how they treat them. The parental figure knows how to 'puppeteer' by doing their part by keeping the person entrapped by making the person feel like they will never be able to decide anything for themselves or their own life as a way to keep the victim invested in the role and the game. Should the 'victim' (I use the term victim only as a reference point) decide they want out, the person who is 'in charge' will often do, say or manipulate the other person to draw them back in. This can even show up in living situations and financing.
III. The Empath vs The Narcissist💑
Fear of rejection is often witnessed in the empath vs narcissist dynamic. We are now in an age where everyone in a romantic situation believes they are with their 'Twin Flame' or 'Divine' Counterpart. Because of the tremendous numbers of people who want to get on board 'The Good Ship Lollipop' and feel they will not experience any other love than the conditioning they have been programmed to receive, many are making allowances for less than loving behavior from their partner because of the highly publicized ideology that a TF (twin flame) is suppose to leave someone feeling raw, used, abused, in tears, subjugated, etc. This could not be farther from the truth. Even in the KJV bible, Adam accepted Eve as part of himself. It does not say he was brutal to her. He accepted her as part of himself. What person would knowingly hurt themselves? I don't know of too many people even though in certain conditions this may be so. The narcissist vs empath story is more of a captor and captive situation which I think is liken to 'Stockholm Syndrome' (https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/stockholm-syndrome#:~:text=Stockholm%20syndrome%20is%20a%20psychological,years%20of%20captivity%20or%20abuse.)
If you are dealing with a narcissist, the best thing you can do is think of your own well being and leave which has probably been almost totally depleted by the time you do go. You cannot help someone who is terribly void of emotion that they have no compassion for anyone, not even themselves. As well, if you are an empath, you over give to situations via your emotions that you become an easy mark for the narcissist. They only know how to project your own emotions back to you like a mirror and cannot respond with their own personal depth. They will tell you what you need to hear if you have a deep seated fear of rejection to ultimately reject you. It is a game to them and one you will never win. Many psychologists (of which I am not), suggest 'no contact'. This is hard in the beginning as there may be an energy cord, much like an umbilical cord to your narcissistic abuser that was planted either sexually or in other ways that keep you attached to their 'push/pull'. You will get stronger everyday much like any other addictive habit that doesn't serve you. Prayer helps. I recite the 'Serenity Prayer' on occasion to help me through those rough patches and remind me to let God Source/Universe handle the matters that I cannot.
IV. Recovery💪
If you have, like me suffered anxiety of 'lack of self esteem' or 'fear of rejection' stemming from your childhood, life can be challenging at times. Knowing when something is or isn't personal is difficult as well as understanding not everyone deserves you. Daily manifestations and meditations are very helpful for those who do not wish to be on pharmaceutical medications. Exercise is also a great reducer of anxiety (and you get to look good too). Talking with a friend is good, but be picky with the friends you speak with as some will not get you and just magnify your own lack of self esteem by saying you are 'too sensitive' or too whatever. These friends will be of no help to you if you are having a situation where you are feeling rejected. They may even be friends you have that you wish to validate you or see your worth and will ultimately disappoint you as a reminder you are the only one on this earth that truly needs you. I know this is a lot, but there is so much more to talk about with regards to childhood traumas and I hope to publish more. Please keep in mind that I am not a psychologist or psychoanalyst nor do I hold any such degree(s). My Master's is in Divinity and I hold a BS in Metaphysics as well as a non-denomination reverend. As such, I feel compelled to help who I can and hope these words are of some help to you.
Please visit my youtube channel as I am also a
tarot reader and have a channel there as well as life coaching videos.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnI38O5UHvzpLWhO3D8sHJg
Thank you so very much!
Namaste'
Rev Sky